Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
