Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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