it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
