Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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