dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
