Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
