I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
