How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
