he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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