he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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