remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
