the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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