i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
