So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
