By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
