is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
