Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
