the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
