Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
