My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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