I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
