I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
