i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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