its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
