i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
