you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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