Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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