after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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