Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
