got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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