i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
