You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
