Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
