I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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