you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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