oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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