No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
