someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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