mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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