I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
