I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
