Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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