you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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