hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
