His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
