my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
