My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
