i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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