Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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