Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
