If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
