Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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