nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
