i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
