do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
