i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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