You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
