id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
